Only You
by Batman FTW
Summary: After a traumatic event, Lily Evans is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seems she finds no solace in her usual friends, nor in her family. Who can she run to? LEJP & LERL. Rated M for adult themes, sexuality and violence. Chapter 3 is up.
1. In a Rut

**Only You**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it, nor the RIGHTS to either. This is not infringing on any copyright, so don't try to sue me. You'll lose. Not only because you're wrong, though, but because I have a team of kick-ass lawyers who hold managerial positions at the Blockbuster on my corner. No, I don't own Blockbuster either, kthx.

**Summary**: Life-shaking events in Lily's life have got her in a rut about whom it is that she **really** loves. Remus? Or is she finally warming up to James? LE/JP, LE/RL

**Warnings: **Graphicness. And yes, that is a word. At least… MSWord recognizes it as one… shrugs Anyway, when I say graphicness; I mean it in all ways. Violence (you'll see) and sexuality. If I missed anything, you can kiss my ass and get over yourself.

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**Chapter 1:** In Which the Young Miss Evans Finds Herself in a Rut.

Winter had come early to Hogwarts that year, and the snow had already settled as October waned into November. The Halloween ball was fast approaching, and several older students were already rather excited about it. An excitement that seemed to bounce off the hallowed halls of the already decorated school. Pumpkins were placed in corners, and, at the suggestion of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster Dippet had taken the initiative to charm a few skeletons to traipse about. While it scared many of the first and second years, the older students were highly amused.

Even those who were socially inept were excited, each thinking that this would be their 'big break.' One such example, was the young Miss Evans, who was currently pruning in the Gryffindor girls' dormitories, hoping to be asked by one of the Gryffindor boys (know as of late as Marauders) to the ball…

Lily Evans stared at herself in the mirror, though she hardly looked like what she considered 'herself' to be. The normally dumpy bookworm was wearing a light pink peasant top, and blue jeans that looked as though they were sucking the life out of until they reached her calves, where they (_Thankfully_, Lily noted) flared. There was a shinier-than-usual hue to her lips, and her sparkling green eyes were surrounded by a purple smoke eye shadow.

For having never worn anything of the sort before, Lily looked amazing. She looked as though the ensemble had been made for her. Her lips tightening into a thin line of uncertainty, her eyes flickered to her self-proclaimed stylist and dorm-mate, Kelsey Arriaga. "Do I look okay?"

"Girl, you look gorgeous." Kel affirmed with a chipper grin, personally under the impression that 'okay' was an understatement. Slowly, Lily began turning a shade of scarlet that rivaled her fiery red hair.

"It's not whether I look gorgeous or not, it's whether Remus will go for it." She corrected meekly. "He's not really the type to go for someone who's… too pretty, you know?" As she fumbled for an explanation, Kelsey let out a loud laugh. One that grated Lily's eardrums.

"Remmy's the type of guy that looks at what's in here." She placed her hand on the neckline of Lily's shirt and the redhead gave her an odd look. "Your heart - inside your chest, not inside your shirt." Kel scowled at Lily's mistake, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.

Lily's eyes flickered back to the mirror one last time before nodding to Kel, thanking her, and throwing her robes on. She was not getting a dress-code violation over some guy; especially when one could see her fashionable attire (she nearly shuddered at what she'd lowered herself to) from under her robes, anyway. Giving one last wave to her dorm-mate, Lily headed down the stairs and into the common room.

Peter Pettigrew, the little mouse of a boy that he was, was the only person in the common room that was even aware of Remus's existence, it seemed. Accordingly, Lily approached him about it. When she was told he'd already gone to the Great Hall with Sirius and James, Lily sighed.

"Thank you, Peter. I suppose you're heading that way as well?" Sure enough, the brunette was. In an attempt to be kind, Lily offered to accompany him on the way down, and so they talked. They talked mostly of unimportant things. Thing such as how many O.W.L.s they'd gotten, what they intended to graduate to become, who they hoped to go to the dance with. Surprisingly, Peter was going to ask a seventh year Ravenclaw to the dance that very day, in Transfiguration. Evelyn Amaria, a blonde girl with a pretty face, and yet enough going on inside her head to make a middle-aged man's mind implode. She was short, though, and well suited for Peter.

Finally, they had reached the Great Hall. Lily paused a moment, and stared at the doors as if they foreboded her demise (which rivaled a rather odd look from Peter). She swallowed hard and, after a long moment, pushed them open and headed inside. Much to her disapproval, in her first few steps (which were more of sashays with help from Kelsey) there was a loud catcall from the Slytherin table.

Lily turned a furious red and her eyes flickered over to the table to see that the vocalization had come from none other than Severus Snape. Resisting the urge to make a crude gesture at him, and the Slytherins around him who were jeering, she went and took a seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Hey, Remus, would you mind meeting up with me in the library? After dinner, I mean." Lily had seated herself near enough to the Marauder so she could comfortably speak with Remus Lupin, but not deal with the annoying taunts of James Potter.

"Sure thing, Lily." He smiled warmly. "What is it you need?" He helped himself to another spoonful of mashed potatoes and Lily took a hard swallow of her pumpkin juice.

"Just, uh, needed to ask you about something." She gave a weary smile and stood, "as for now, I've got studying to do. Good day." Lily nodded to him and headed out of the Great Hall. The second she was in the corridor, and pleasantly alone, she smacked her forehead. "You aren't supposed to ask something like that without a good cover, you silly girl!" She felt someone's hand on her shoulder, and sprang a good two feet into the air. Turning wildly, she had brandished her wand, and was now pointing it at Remus's stomach. Well toned stomach, she corrected mentally.

"Are you alright, Lily?" His gold eyes were worried. "You practically ran out of there… Is something bothering you?" The redhead jerked herself back to reality quickly enough to answer.

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Wonderful, actually, I just… oh, I'm not too hungry." She flashed a warm smile that he believed. Luckily.

"Alright, I was just worried, you know? Don't work too hard…" Remus nodded and removed his hand from her shoulder; running it through his cropped, light brown hair. "I'll see you in the library in a couple of minutes, okay? Don't be late." He chided kindly, heading back into the Great Hall.

Lily released a breath that she didn't notice she'd been holding. A smile lit on her lips and she started toward the library. She stopped abruptly when a seemingly disembodied hand yanked her into an empty classroom, slamming her against the door to shut it. The owner of the hand came into view when she finally opened her green eyes, she saw a pasty white, hook-nosed man.

"Severus… what're you—?" The greasy Slytherin, who had crushed his lips to hers, cut Lily off.

She suddenly wanted to, no, needed to vomit.

"You've always been a pretty little mudblood, Evans. Good to see you finally warmed up to the idea." He'd stop kissing her to speak in that cold, velvety voice. It sent discomforted chills up her spine.

"That's wonderful, Sev, but… I'm afraid you aren't the one I wanted to notice…" She whispered with all of the kindness she could muster. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to go meet with—" He cut her off once again. This time, with words—thankfully.

"That werewolf? You fancy a monster?" He spat, causing Lily's eyes to significantly widen. Remus was… a what? It wasn't true. It wasn't possible. She'd have noticed!

"I… I know you dislike Remus and his friends, but false accusations are—"

"Not false. He tried to kill me just short of a month ago." She blanched. Completely. The time frame fit. Each time Peter said he was "out sick" but nowhere to be found in the Hospital Wing. Each time was a full moon, give or take a day. She covered her mouth with her hands, appalled.

"Oh my god… He **is**… no, he can't be! Remus is far too kind." She exclaimed, tugging a smirk across Severus's lips.

"When he's around you and NOT a bloodthirsty beast. A monster like him will only hurt you, Evans." He coaxed slowly, moving her hands from her mouth and kissing her. "I won't." She tried to squirm out of the kiss, but Snape easily pinned her to the door, tutting softly. "You want this, Lily, you can't deny it. You've always had a soft spot when it comes to me."

She made a futile attempt to struggle. In response, Severus slammed her harder against the door. Lily could feel his hand creeping up her skirt, his fingers running along her sex.

She got halfway through screaming before a silencing spell was cast on her. Severus moved his hand away for a moment, immediately returning the other to hold her arms to the door, wand still on hand.

After Severus finished groping through his pocket a moment, Lily could feel cold steel pressing against her thigh. And then, along her womanhood. After only a moment, the chilling sensation had gone and so had the cotton comfort of her knickers. _That bastard tore my underwear!_ She screamed inwardly. Reality hit her like a bullet and she tried to scream aloud, alas, no sound escaped her rose-coloured lips. It was then that she realized what Severus was up to.

_Dear Lord… he's really going to hurt me!_

_

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_

**13 Minutes Later, In the Library**

Remus tapped his foot impatiently. Lily had said to meet her after dinner in the library… perhaps she'd come earlier and gotten sick of waiting for **him**? Sighing, he pulled himself from an overstuffed, navy pouf chair and headed out of the library, which smelled oddly like raw eggs anyway.

He'd catch up with her later in one of their classes and ask about it, for now, he'd go and find Sirius to take him up on that offer of a trip to Honeydukes. Remus couldn't hold off _that_ long for the chance at chocolates.

* * *

**Head-Student Common Room**

Lily stumbled into the common room, shaking uncontrollably. So many people had stared when she was on her way up. Did they know? She didn't want anyone to know. It was too embarrassing. High and mighty Evans, down on her knees, reduced to sobs as Severus Snape laughed at what he'd done. She could practically hear their jeers already, which only brought more tears to her eyes. Stumbling across the soft, light grey carpet, with only one shoe on (the other on-hand), she collapsed into an aubergine couch that had silver stitching all along it. She pulled one of the matching lavender throw pillows up to her face, and began sobbing into it.

She couldn't believe what had happened. It was like it had all been one vivid, terrible nightmare. But no, it couldn't be, she hurt too much for that to be possible. Feeling suddenly sick at the fact that she could still smell him on her, all over her, she started toward her dormitory for a shower. She felt filthy. She needed to get out of those clothes, get out of her own skin, and get what remained of _him_ out of her. She needed to go back to the way things were. She needed this to all be a dream, or a sick illusion of some sort. Lily couldn't handle this right now. Especially with the problems of settling in as Headgirl, and her parents splitting… She turned when she heard a voice behind her, just before she reached her dormitory door.

"Evans?" It was James Potter. Lily's eyes shifted onto him and she took in his appearance. He was shirtless, in mahogany-coloured, flannel pajama bottoms. His hair was more of a mess than it usually was, too, and he didn't have his glasses on. He'd been sleeping. But, his chocolate brown eyes held more worry in them than she'd ever thought he was capable of. Swallowing hard, Lily also swallowed her pride to answer. She clenched her eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears. He couldn't see her like this…

"Yes, Potter?" Her voice was dry, just as dry as her cracking, swollen lips. It stung when she talked, so she silently hoped just her fleeing to her dormitory would be the end of this. But, from the look in his eyes, she could tell it would be a long night. Maybe James wouldn't be such a bad person to talk to about this… that is, if she could sputter out more than two words.

"What's wrong? What happened?" James's tone was sincere enough; the look on his face affirmed this. Lily had to contain a laugh. The bane of her existence for the past six and a half years was sincerely worried about her? Though, it was more she who was cold towards him, that didn't change the fact that he was a cocky, heartless bastard. At least, the way she saw it that was true.

"What, are you the only person allowed to harass me, now?" She countered, knowing quite well that another question was not an answer. But, that was a question she refused to answer. 'What happened?' 'Oh, I just got raped by that greasy git of a Slytherin I always defend from you,' 'Oh, that all? G'night then.' She could see that conversation going over splendidly.

James gave her a curious look, taking into note every visible bruise, cut and mark. "Who hurt you?" He asked suddenly, fists clenching. This surprised Lily, at least, it would have if it hadn't infuriated her so. After six years of him damn near stalking her, once person roughing her up was going too far?

"Who are you? My father? Leave me alone, James, it's none of your business." The redhead's temper easily matched the flamboyance of her hair. She would normally have called him an idiot for not getting it through his head that she didn't want to put up with him, but Lily's mind was focused on all it could handle. Snarkiness, keeping her knees from buckling and giving out, and not screaming, crying, and running into James's arms. So instead, she made a point to quickly dismiss his rushed queries, fighting back her tears. How was it that he could tell so well that she was breaking inside?

"It's not my business, but that doesn't mean I'm letting anyone get away with it!" James snarled back, making Lily cringe. She'd cringed? Now he knew something was wrong. "Evans…" He took a few steps toward her, and she quickly backed away, viridian eyes flooding with an emotion James had never seen in them before as she shouted.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She'd taken the lamp from the table beside her, and thrown it at him. James dodged it easily; Quidditch had done him well. But when he looked back at her, the look in her eyes was what really bothered him. He didn't recognize it until she had slammed her dormitory door and turned on the shower, trying to mask her cries and remove all traces of the Slytherin from her body. What he saw was something completely new in Lily Evans.

Fear.

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**A/N:** Yes, I've re-uploaded Chapter 1 after making corrections and extensions. If you want to read it again, go ahead, but there isn't much of a difference. However, I have good news - Chapter 2 will be up soon! I decided I was going to get on with this story when I saw my stats. XD; dork So, um, yeah, new chapter coming up!

So long as Summerschool doesn't get in the way. :


	2. Found Out

**Only You**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it, nor the RIGHTS to either. This is not infringing on any copyright, so don't try to sue me. You'll lose. Not only because you're wrong, though, but because I have a team of kick-ass lawyers who hold managerial positions at the Blockbuster on my corner. No, I don't own Blockbuster either, kthx.

**Summary**: After a traumatic event, Lily Evans is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seems she finds no solace in her usual friends, nor in her family. Who can she run to? LEJP & LERL.

**Warnings: **Graphicness. And yes, that is a word. At least… MSWord recognizes it as one… shrugs Anyway, when I say graphicness; I mean it in all ways. Violence (you'll see) and sexuality. If I missed anything, you can kiss my ass and get over yourself.

**Chapter 1:** In Which Miss Evans is Found Out

Lily didn't sleep. She spent three hours in the shower alone, then sat on her bed in her underwear staring at the wall. She still felt filthy. She didn't belong in this room, in this castle. She was broken and ruined. She had cleaned up, and looked fine on the outside; aside from a few cuts and bruises that stayed, as well as the redness in her skin from scrubbing so hard in the shower. But on the inside… she threw her clock at the mirror across from her bed, shattering it into pieces. It was now nearing five in the morning. Students were allowed back out of their dormitories and commons again.

The Headgirl stood quickly, grabbing a pair of black sweatpants and a shapeless grey tank-top. Throwing her robes on over this makeshift outfit, she didn't even bother brushing her hair out before she abandoned the room, rushing from the common. Even if James hadn't awoken yet, the idea that he might soon bothered her into hurrying. She didn't want to go through that again. She gathered her robes tightly around her. She started for the Great Hall but stopped short, her eyes widening.

She remembered. She remembered practically shanking Remus with her wand, continuing out of the hall and being yanked into an empty classroom… She looked over at it and she seemed to flash back to another place and time. She was being pulled in. He was covering her mouth, she couldn't breathe… couldn't breathe… Lily wasn't sure when she'd fallen, but she hit the floor hard. She'd passed out and woke up in the Hospital Wing, the new healing woman, Pomphrey, and Kelsey standing over her.

Because she was Lily Evans, she forced a smile. No matter how fake it was, it reassured Kelsey that Lily was still herself. She noted the brunette let out a breath she'd probably been holding for some time. Struggling to maintain her plaster-smile, Lily looked to Pomphrey. "What happened?" She inquired. "Did I drink too much Butterbeer again?" If she joked enough, it would be like before. If it was like before, she wouldn't have to think about it…

"You took a nasty spill outside the Great Hall, Evans." It was James who answered. He was seated in the chair on her other side, shutting a book he'd been _reading_. Lily did a double-take.

"Potter?" She was shocked. After how she'd acted… why was he still here? Why would he extend further kindness to someone like her? _He doesn't know… If he knew, he wouldn't be doing this. If any of them knew. You're dirty; Evans, and you'll never be normal again. If they find out, they'll never even look at you the same._ Lily's mind raced as she met James's dark chocolate eyes. She broke it quickly. "Why are you here?" Her voice was quiet.

"I was worried," was his all-too-calm response. Kelsey and Pomphrey thought he meant because of the fall, but when Lily looked into his eyes again… She saw that he was still on about the previous night.

"I'm fine." She insisted quickly, turning to Pomphrey and Kelsey. "So, if I could just be patched up and on my way… I'd love to get something to eat before class." She mentally chided that she'd have to stop by the kitchens. If she went near the Great Hall again… Merlin knows what could happen. She shivered outwardly and Madame Pomphrey grabbed a thermometer.

"If you've a fever, you're going nowhere." She huffed. Lily sighed exaggeratedly.

"I'll go get some rest in my dormitory. How about that? I'd much rather be here than somewhere like this… I'll feel like a fool if people can see me in the Hospital Wing all day because of a simple tumble." Giving an unsure look, Madame Pomphrey allowed it. Lily smiled and thanked her. She nodded to Kelsey and got out of bed, hurrying for the door.

Kelsey stopped her. "So, how'd **it** go yesterday?" She pressed, giggling a bit. Lily's eyes flickered darkly and tears welled up. She swallowed hard, looking away.

"I'm not going with him. I… uhh… Things didn't go well." She left it at that and Kelsey realized she'd get no further. "I'm getting a pain potion from Madame Pomphrey, if you don't mind, I'll catch up with you later, maybe." She flashed another plastic smile and turned back toward the healer. "Umm… ma'am." She murmured. Pomphrey cocked a brow.

"Yes, my dear? I thought you were going to your dormitory…"

"I'd like a… potion." The healer reached instinctively for potions to alleviate pain. Lily stopped her. "Not for that… for… Keeping from… err… gaining any extra baggage…"

"Lily Evans, you are NOT going to be getting any weight loss potions from me. You are already rail-thin." When the witch said this, Lily broke down. She began sobbing.

"That's not what I mean, Madame Pomphrey… I need a… a…" She shook her head. "N-nevermind." She hiccupped out, turning and sprinting from the room. It appeared she'd have to make something to prevent side-effects of the… accident… herself. When she stopped running, she noticed someone following her. She turned around quickly this time. She wouldn't be snuck up on, again.

"Evans." It was James. Why was he still following her? Wasn't the explanation enough for him? "I know you didn't just fall. You were hurt before today… please… tell me-"

"Leave me alone, Potter. I just need to rest. I've been feeling ill and dizzy a lot… Results in falls, you know." She shot off quickly. "It's nothing. Leave me alone." She repeated coldly, turning and speaking the password for their common. She walked inside and clenched her jaw when she realized James had followed her. They were out of the halls… no one would save her here. Lily did the only thing she could think of to keep it from happening again.

She screamed.

At the top of her lungs, Lily screamed. McGonagall came in and demanded what the problem was. She replied that James had surprised her because she was feeling ill and was put on bed-rest by Pomphrey. The Professor told James that he should try and be careful around Miss Evans while she was feeling ill and gave them both a 'watch it' look before leaving again. Before James turned back to look at her, Lily had darted into her dormitory.

It was high-time she got started on that potion, after all. Summoning everything she needed from her bag, she sat on the bathroom floor, tears pouring down her cheeks. She'd never thought that it would be her in this position. She'd heard that a few girls had wound up doing it and hurting themselves not making it right, but as Lily stared down at the potion (which was now glowing green, a good sign) she felt as if she'd betrayed even herself.

Lily tossed in mandrake root that the second years had harvested for Slughorn's student supply cupboard and the potion turned maroon. She couldn't keep thinking like this. If she pretended it didn't exist, it would go away. She just had to ignore it and move on. That was all. Just live normally and perhaps be a bit more careful.

_A bit more careful? _Her mind betrayed; _you thought you could trust him and he **raped** you, Lily. How will you know who to be careful around?_ Knowing she was right, Lily put the lid on her cauldron. The potion needed to sit for two hours. That was plenty of time for her to get her wits about her and accept the fact that she just couldn't be so trusting of people.

And perhaps a little of the trouble was in accepting the fact that Potter had been right.

She scowled a bit, not wanting to admit defeat. That was effective enough. Directing her anger at Potter would keep her from thinking of It. And so, she stormed out of her dormitory and into the common. She knew he would be waiting, and sure enough, he was. "You're as predictable as a lost puppy." She scowled, glaring.

The quick change of emotion shocked James slightly, and he set the book he was reading aside. "Lily." She lost her composure a moment. Why had he called her that? _He's reading again… what's wrong with him?_ She questioned inwardly, studying him carefully once she'd re-acquired her sour look. "You can talk to me. I'm not going to hurt you." He promised.

_Funny. That's what I thought of Snape, and I even saved his dignity a few times._ Lily did the first thing she could think of to shut James up. If this kept up she'd break down again. Thrice in two days was a bad record to start. So, she slapped the brunette – hard – across the face.

"Shut. Up." She said firmly, glaring. "You don't know what you're talking about." Her stomach dropped but she shrugged it off as nervousness from having to leave the common again. She'd never been hurt in her own dormitory. "I'm going, now. Don't follow me. Go to your classes and set an example like Headboy should." She spat, refusing to meet his gaze as she stormed from the common. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as soon as she was sure he couldn't see her anymore.

A sob escaped her lips and Lily tried brushing the tears away. Why was she crying? He deserved it. Though, now, it seemed, her reasoning was more than a _bit_ faulty. She reached a painting of a fruit bowl and stared up at it, trying her cheeks on her robe sleeve and swallowing hard, clearing her throat. She tickled the pair with little enthusiasm, and the painting neglectfully opened for her.

A good ten dozen house elves were inside the kitchens at that moment. The rest, no doubt, neatening common rooms. "Hullo." She greeted in a watery tone. One of the elves brought her a cup of tea on instinct. Taking a sip she noted that it was Black Walnut and Ginger, one of her favourites. She smiled a bit and looked around. "I don't suppose I could get breakfast still?" In a moment, there was a house elf in front of her with a plate of biscuits and gravy and an empathetic look on her face.

"Is the Miss okay?" She asked in a curious, squeaky voice. Lily gave one of her plastic smiles. She was getting quite good at this. Perhaps she could make a career of it.

"Just going through a rough spot." She promised. "Thank you, though, for asking. I'm Lily, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Miss Lily. This elf's name is Kita."

"Just Lily." The redhead insisted. "Really, Kita, I'm just a person." She chuckled slightly and looked around, finishing her biscuits. "Um, is there a place I can rinse this? I'd like to get back to my dormitory as soon as possible. I'm feeling a bit under the weather, as you noticed."

"Not physically you aren't, Mi—Lily." Kita corrected quickly, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry, Miss, I didn't mean to call you by the wrong thing."

"You've done it again, but don't worry. I'm not going to tell you what to call me…" She looked down at the house elf, scrutinizing a bit. She was bluer than most, with large grey eyes. "How have you learned to read people so well? You're as obnoxious as Potter."

"You're friends with Misters Potter and Black and Lupin and Pettigrew?" She inquired with an excited squeak.

"Uhh… sort of." Lily murmured unsurely. "They come by often?"

"At odd hours, yes!" The redhead chuckled a bit. It was so very… James.

"So what is bothering you, Miss? This elf would like to help." Lily's eyes flashed slightly.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Kita. I'll tell James you said hi." Without anymore of a prompt, she left. She'd almost managed to forget it while she was sitting with the elves. It was like a different world. Shutting her eyes, images – memories, mostly – flashed behind her lids. When she was on her way to the Head Common, she saw James looking slightly more than upset.

"WHO DID IT." Livid was an understatement. Lily cowered against the wall, and still he towered over her. "WHO THE HELL THINKS IT'S OKAY TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A WOMAN?" He demanded, and Lily's knees locked. She hit the floor, sobbing.

"I'm sorry… Don't tell anybody, please." She pulled her knees to her chest, not caring to wonder if he knew completely. Not caring how he knew. She just cared what he thought, now. "I'm so sorry…" She whimpered out, shaking her head quickly. Another wave of sobs hit when James realized his mistake, kneeling beside her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Evans." She winced at the sound of her last name. It's what _he _had called her when… She couldn't face James.

"Yes, I do. I'm… disgusting." She spat. "Filthy. Used." She fumbled for more adjectives and James put a finger to her lips.

"Wrong." He added in an almost contrary tone. She was a bit relieved to see him acting more like himself. "You did nothing wrong, and have nothing to apologize for. Whoever did this… he's at fault." James put his hand on her shoulder. When she cringed at the touch, recoiling instinctively, he moved it aside. He couldn't even hold her to comfort her. Heaving a sigh, the Headboy stared hard into the girl's emerald eyes.

"Tell me who did this."

**A/N:** Yay chapter 2. I told you it'd be up soon. **–wins at life-**

So, I've been getting questions about a slight contradiction. I called Kelsey Lily's dorm mate, even though Lily has her own dorm in the Head Commons area. Well, Kelsey was one of her ex-dorm mates from an earlier year and now they're more of best friends, but it's one of those first impression things and that's how Lily first saw her.

And, yes, I know James is slightly OOC, he's getting back to normal. You'll find out next chapter why he was being weird. After all, I have to maintain SOME mystery.

--BIG THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS. YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS.--


	3. Bodily Harm

**Only You**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it, nor the RIGHTS to either. This is not infringing on any copyright, so don't try to sue me. You'll lose. Not only because you're wrong, though, but because I have a team of kick-ass lawyers who hold managerial positions at the Blockbuster on my corner. No, I don't own Blockbuster either, kthx.

**Summary**: After a traumatic event, Lily Evans is stuck between a rock and a hard place. It seems she finds no solace in her usual friends, or in her family. Who can she run to? LEJP & LERL.

**Warnings: **Hmm… For this chapter? Violence. I don't think it will be too bad, but it isn't spiffy magical violence; so don't be expecting a few cheap spells.

**Chapter 3:** In Which Miss Evans is Forced to Cause Bodily Harm

Lily wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep, but she awoke in her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she began contemplating. Perhaps telling Potter hadn't been the best idea… After all, he wasn't exactly kind to Him in the first place. She rolled over, shutting her eyes to try and force the images that were forming out of her mind. She'd begged him not to be drastic but judging by the look in his eyes…

She sat up quickly, realizing she must have been half-mad to tell him. It was Potter, for chrissakes, he was uncontrollable and would do anything for attention. Beating the shit out of her… attacker? No, that wasn't right, she could have fought back… she just didn't… Beating the shit out of Him would definitely bridle attention from the masses… but **not** the kind _she _wanted. Jumping to her feet and not even bothering with changing before she left (how had she gotten into her pajamas in the first place?), Lily darted into the commons area and over to James's dormitory.

"STUPID." She grabbed a pillow and threw it at the wall. James's pajamas were discarded on the floor, his uniform and bag gone. He'd already gone to breakfast. Potter would see Him at breakfast. Potter had little to no self-control. Lily's thoughts darted everywhere before she finally decided she had to stop him. He didn't deserve this; it wasn't His fault. She ran back to her room and pulled her robes on over her pajamas, sliding her feet into her bunny slippers and heading downstairs.

When she reached the Great Hall, she didn't even think twice about what had happened there so recently. She had to stop Potter from making a fool of the both of them, and hurting Him in the process. She pushed the doors open, heading inside and immediately toward the Gryffindor table where he sat. James looked pleased to see her until he noticed the look on her face.

"If you hurt him, or make a scene, or do ANYTHING, James Potter, I will make you regret being born a man." She threatened, tears welling up behind her eyes. He looked up at her.

"Evans, you have to do _something._ That's just… wrong… what he did. I'm not saying that because I dislike – or rather, hate – him. I'm saying it because this just made me hate him even more. What he did is unforgivable." His dark eyes bored hard into hers. "So, no matter how much you threaten me, if you continue to simply take it, I **will** do something." Lily's face burned in anger and frustration and the embarrassment of having everyone find out."

"I trusted you…" She whispered, taking a step back, hurt evident in her eyes over all other emotion. She slapped him. "I TRUSTED YOU, YOU BASTARD!" With that, she ran from the room, finally letting her tears fall. She didn't bother using a different route as she'd planned to, running right past the place of the Incident, which only caused her to weep more. _This can't be me… this can't be happening! Lily Evans would never let someone do this to her… and she'd certainly not let them get away with it, or break her to the point of constant tears. _Her mind raced and she only managed to reach the second floor corridor when she broke down, feeling her legs give out.

"NO!" She shook her legs, shaking her head at the same time in disbelief. "Don't… please… I need to keep going… if I don't stop… maybe it won't catch up with me…" She pulled her knees to her chest, and buried her face in them. She heard someone come up behind her. "Get away from me. I don't want to talk about it." She grumbled out, moving one hand inconspicuously to get her wand from her pocket.

"Lily." It was Remus. "What just happened in there?" He knelt beside her. "Are you okay?" Lily brushed tears from her eyes as best she could then looked up at him, studying him for a moment before glaring.

"No. I am not okay, and I will not be okay anytime soon, so just leave me alone." She pushed him away, struggling to her feet and letting them carry her to the hospital wing. James had sufficiently ruined her potion, so she may as well just ask for one this time.

When she entered the room she saw one of those 'Break the Silence' signs and she almost laughed. Three days ago she would have dismissed it and not even taken notice. Now, she just thought it was silly. As if a poster could convince someone to tell a school official that they'd been _violated_. Not that she had anything to report. It was her fault in the first place, she should have screamed or fought back. She sure as hell could have, everyone would have expected her to. After all, she was the Headgirl. If she couldn't do anything when stuck in that position, how could anyone else be expected to?

"Madame Pomphrey?" She asked quietly. "I uh… need a potion." She found her voice caught in her throat when the woman asked her what kind. "F-for uhh…" She stumbled over her words, biting back tears. "Against…" She just couldn't bring herself to use the word. Finally, she headed over to Pomphrey's store of potions and pointed out the one she meant. A gasp escaped the woman, who clearly 'expected better of Lily' but she gave her the potion nonetheless. Disappointment was clear on her face as Lily took it quickly.

"…Thank you." She murmured, avoiding her gaze.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, dear?" Pomphrey asked cordially. "Anything at all?" She apparently couldn't believe Lily would run around having wild, risky sex. Non-consensual sounded like a better explanation.

"NO. There is NOTHING I'd like to tell you and I'd appreciate people getting OFF my BACK!" She shouted. "I made a stupid mistake, okay?" She headed for the door, but hesitated. "…Don't… You know, tell anyone, okay?" She didn't look back but knew Pomphrey had nodded. Once she had, Lily took her leave. This time, Kelsey caught her.

"Lils!" She exclaimed, smiling until she noticed the shameful tears pouring down Lily's face. "Are you okay? Why were you in the Hospital Wing?" Lily looked up at her, choking back sobs.

"Kel… I think… I think I need to talk to Professor Dumbledore." She said finally, hoarsely. "Do you know where Potter is?" Kel nodded, saying she'd been talking to Sirius moments before and that they were together. "Tell him that I'm with Dumbledore, will you? I've got to go." She gave a plaster smile to the girl who gave a weak one in return, then went to deliver the message. She was obviously still confused, but Lily's smile, however fake it was, had reaffirmed her faith in the girl. She swallowed hard and began the journey to the Headmaster's office.

Kelsey Jenkins had always been a good student, especially for a Gryffindor. Though she didn't compare to Lily, she was close to runner-up, which was what made them good friends. She'd seen the distress in Lily's eyes when she requested Kel to be an errand girl. Normally Kelsey would have jokingly said 'I'm no owl' but at the look in her friend's emerald orbs, she knew she had to help with whatever was bothering her friend.

Needless to say, when she came up on a large circle of students near where she'd last seen Sirius and James, Kel smacked her forehead. This would _not _be good. Pushing her way through the crowd, she finally reached Sirius. "What's going on here?" She demanded. He grinned a bit.

"Snivellus is getting what he deserves. S'about time, too, I was worried Prongs had gone soft when he became Headboy." The black-haired boy bragged.

"Help me get through." Kel said. It was more of a demand than a request and Sirius grinned a bit.

"Fiesty. I like that." He led her through the crowd, keeping a hand on her lower back to make sure he didn't lose her. When they got to where the actual fight was taking place, Severus looked like death had come and went, and James was still beating him senseless. Primatively, even, James's wand had been forsaken near where Sirius and Kel now stood. Severus's eye was blackened, blood and possibly a broken nose mangled his face, there was a huge gash up his abdomen and various other scrapes and bruises. James had been ruthless. Kel ran over, pulling him off of Severus, who was now coughing up blood.

"JAMES POTTER WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" She demanded shrilly. The crowd immediately thinned. Sirius looked annoyed.

"What are _you _doing?" The black-haired boy shot back. "This isn't your business."

"Our Headboy was about to kill a man because he simply dislikes him! Without magic, even!" Kel ran to Severus's side, casting various healing spells on his cuts to try and get them to seal up. The worst, however, probably the initial blow which _was _inflicted with a wand, was still bleeding profusely and too large for her to fix. She whispered _mobilicorpus _and threw a glare at James. "Fool." Another glare at Sirius. "And you too, for encouraging this!"

Just as she reached the end of the corner, Kel remembered her reasons for being there. "Oh, and Potter? Lily wanted me to tell you that she's going to see Dumbledore. I don't know what about, but I figure you do judging by the ridiculous look on your face." Sure enough, James looked like he _knew _what a fool he'd made himself to be. If Lily was going to Dumbledore and wanted James to know it, she was probably talking to him about what had happened. He felt awful.

Standing, he looked to Sirius. "Thanks for backing me up, mate, but I can take it from here." He patted Sirius on the shoulder and the other Marauder nodded in confusion.

"No problem?" He obviously wanted an explanation, but James was not about to give it to him. Instead, he headed for the Head Common. He'd talk to Lily about it when she came back, knowing this would be her first stop. He didn't want her hearing about what had happened from anyone else. Looking down at his bruised and bleeding knuckles, James winced a bit. Perhaps he ought to get that looked at too.

As Kel was on her way back to Gryffindor Common Room, she ran into Remus, looking flustered. "What's up, Remmy?" She asked cheerfully, as always.

"Have you seen Lily?" He asked in a strained tone. He was obviously worried.

"She's up in Dumbledore's office." Kel explained easily. "Why are you looking for her?"

"She was really upset about something, and wouldn't even talk to me." Apparently, Kelsey found this even more interesting than he had.

"OH MY GOSH ARE YOU SERIOUS!" She exclaimed in disbelief. "NO WAY. Just, no. Way." She shook her head quickly.

"…I think I'd know, Kelsey." Remus mused, raising a curious brow. "Anyway, thank you. I'll go find out what's wrong, thank you." He started toward the headmaster's office. Kelsey watched him go in confusion. Had Lily gotten over Remus that fast? Or maybe something had gone amiss in the library… Whatever it was, Kel sprinted for the Gryffindor Common to discuss it with their other dorm-mates, Jenn Williams and Aurélie Durand.

When Remus reached the Headmaster's Office, it opened for him. He chuckled a bit, hoping Dumbledore had done that intentionally, knowing full and well the man was at least slightly omniscient… however that worked. Pushing the thoughts from his head, he started up the staircase. When he reached the door to Albus's office, he heard Lily stuttering out.

"I… I don't want anyone to know about this, Sir. It's… I just… You understand, don't you?" A pause. Remus assumed Dumbledore had nodded, as she continued. "Two days ago I walked in the Great Hall and asked Remus to meet me in the library. When I left, he came up behind me, scared me a little, and we talked for a few moments. He returned to the Great Hall and I started toward the library." Another pause and he heard Lily take a deep breath.

"Near classroom 3-A I was grabbed from behind. I-I…" He could hear her starting to cry. "I thought it was Remus again so I just sort of laughed, but then…" She was fully sobbing now. "Then he pulled me into the classroom and pinned me to the door. I-I saw that it wasn't Remus." She choked out.

"Miss Evans, who did this… Just a moment." Dumbledore turned his gaze on the door and it swung open, revealing Remus.

"I was just waiting for Lily, I wanted to talk to her…" He explained calmly. Albus nodded.

"You can talk in here once she's finished." Lily clammed up immediately, it seemed.

"I can come back later, Sir." She said quickly, heading for the door.

"Miss Evans," the old wizard began, "I was under the impression this was bothering you enough to make an unannounced visit." Lily turned, giving him a strained look.

"I don't want Remus to know." She whispered. "Please, Sir…" Remus put a hand on Lily's shoulder.

"Lily…" She shrugged him off.

"Don't touch me." She whimpered out. "Please. Just leave." She didn't meet his gaze.

"Lily, you can tell me what happened. You can trust me." It sounded so much like what James had said that she grew scared.

"You say that, but how do I know? Potter said that too and… He was going to hurt Him."

"Hurt who?"

"…Severus." Remus's gold eyes flashed dangerously. It seemed James wasn't the only one who would jump to protect her.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing!" Dumbledore, who had already put things together, piped in.

"Miss Evans, Mister Lupin, if you could take this outside. I have a few legal matters to attend to. I understand your distress, Miss Evans, and will have it taken care of."

"No!" Her outburst was a surprise to both men. "Don't! Severus didn't do anything wrong, it was my fault! I should have stopped him! I could have screamed! Or fought back! I'm the best witch in the school, for Merlin's sake!" By now, Remus realized what had happened.

"I'll kill him." He started from the room but Lily grabbed his arm.

"Remus, _no!_" She pleaded. "Don't you get that I don't want him to be hurt? It was **my** fault." Dumbledore rose to his feet.

"Miss Evans." She turned her attention on him. "Whether or not you want to press charges is your choice, but know this: it is not your fault. It's never the fault of the person who is victimized that they were harmed. You're clearly suffering from this." Lily's gaze softened slightly and her grip on Remus's arm loosened. "And although whether or not you let him get away with this is your business, those who do something about it find that, win or lose, they have faced their attacker and shown them for what they are. I've never met a single person who's regretted it."

Lily looked over to Remus and, though his eyes were still firm with hate for Snape, he nodded to her. She closed her eyes and seemed to ponder a moment, possibilities whirring through her head. Would she really still feel better if she lost? Opening her eyes, she looked to Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore, Sir…" She took a deep breath. "My answer is…"

**A/N:** -is an evil whore- Yes, I know, big cliffhanger. If you review the new chapter will come faster so… REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! –points to purple/blue button- REVIIIIIEEEEEEWWWWW. –done begging for reviews-

**.oOAurelieOo.** – I like my drapes black or blue, thanks.

**Sapphire Stalker **_– _No, I knew what I was writing. But, thank you for trying to fix it.

**Everyone else –** No special words, sorry, but thank you for reviewing! You're my inspiration!


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